Meditation was the glue that kept me together.
Being taken over by circumstances to have chemotherapy or you will die. What! we are going to die anyway. The thoughts of despair and unknowing. What will the first treatment be like, after it waiting for side effects. The only time of peace was when I was meditating.
Admittingly lost some rhythm. Meditating in the morning in the car while driving to treatment then at night too tired but through the night cannot sleep due to medications side effects so saying
Maranatha, Maranatha. Thoughts go away keep returning to the word.
Lee Milroy 2015
Meditation and Wellness
The practice of meditation in the circumstances- chemically induced pain- gives one a focus. By that I mean that the mantra is all you come to believe in ... it is all you have to hold onto- your body doesn't allow a feeling of well-being, but the mantra draws you through the pain. [at whatever level that pain might be]
The only reality becomes the mantra through this journey into the darkness of fear. It creates a degree of acceptance about the unknown- a faith – that makes you cling to the mantra and not look for anything beyond it. It becomes sufficient in itself. One is not thinking of pain or its avoidance – one is not thinking! One is saying the mantra.
Perhaps because it overcame fear and pain the word itself becomes your centre. I love the way John Main speaks it- tenderly, affectionately, intimately- it is more intimate than the pain. It is closer to you than the pain or the fear. It displaces the fear.
Over time- it is a call to return to the journey through personal darkness, to journey further into the darkness but, in a space where one is accompanied. I am not referring to consolation- between meditations the inevitable is still there, but within the meditation the inevitable, the fear of the inevitable and the pain that is leading toward that inevitability is replaced by the power of the mantra itself. It is what you believe in more strongly than fear or pain.